The Corrosive Nature of Respect Culture on Relationships

I think it is fair to say that I have had a lot of negative things to say about respect culture.  I have my reservations as to whether there is anything at all that is good about it, except for maybe teaching young children to be polite to their elders (something that can be achieved without an engrained culture of respect).  In adult life it is not only unnecessary but poisonous for a variety of reasons I have mentioned in previous posts, but in this post I will deal with one of the most important of all, the effect it has on relationships between people.

Let's start with a rather large gripe I have when dealing with some Korean people and that is the lack of honesty within groups, e.g. family and work. When you are forced into respecting someone an atmosphere is immediately created. This feeling is one of inequality, one person is superior to the other.  This inequality has deleterious effects on all people involved because there is a forced submission and lack of freedom on the younger person and because of this the younger or lower-ranked person is likely to placate their superior for fear of offending them.  The person receiving the respect can then be withheld information about the thoughts and feelings of other people.  The problem is a lack of freedom of expression which harms everyone.

From this, illusions and delusions can be created.  Those who give the respect can feel the illusion of not be cared about; their feelings and thoughts are not respected often by people who are closest to them, like their own family members.  Children can get the feeling that their parents don't really know who they are deep inside and don't want what is best for them, something that my students often complain about.  Conversely, parents can be deluded into thinking that their children are happy or agree with everything they say and will behave accordingly, this can have adverse effects on important family issues.  If children of Korean parents have failings or problems I have noticed a general trend of denial of these issues and much of this is a combination of respect culture and the status element of saving face in the eyes of others.

The failure of free-expression can result in being dishonest in many ways.  In my Korean family I can't believe how much dishonesty actually goes on.  Family members lie about what they are going to do, where they are, who they are with, what they did, and how they feel all the time.  When you think about it this makes sense to avoid any confrontation and therefore disrespect.  The amount of politics that goes on between family members is exhausting, mostly in the name of keeping elders happy.  The lack of an open dialogue means that elders are always to be listened to on the surface, but that changes nothing deep inside and resentment builds in the young.  I believe this causes strained relationships in Korean families to a point that goes beyond the norm.  Difficult family relationships exist everywhere but in Korea the culture at large is the main cause and not just personal differences and history.

Resentment is a common theme I see in all areas of life here.  People are told what to do by superiors, often in an unjustifiable manner with an air of superiority and they can't dispute it openly so they do it internally.  The irony of it all is that making sure you appear to respect people on the outside actually causes the exact opposite to occur inside.  A deep disrespect forms and the result is that people lie and deceive.  What could be a greater sign of disrespect to anyone than lying to them; it says I really don't respect your opinion and I don't respect your ability to handle any criticism.  If you have ever been lied to by a friend or loved one, you will know how this makes you feel.

Deceit is rife in almost all situations I find myself in the company of many Korean people where I am part of the group.  People pretend to be having a good time at staff dinners, they pretend to find elders jokes funny, they pretend to be somewhere where they are not, they pretend to listen to advice, they pretend that the gifts they give haven't broken the bank, they pretend they are happy to pay for a meal, and they pretend to respect their elders.  I see no evidence that respecting their elders is really what Koreans do, what I see is that they placate their elders, there is a difference.

What results is a failure to understand others and also - rather counter-intuitively - any genuinely good advice can end up going straight through one ear and out the other of the young.  Parents don't understand their own children and children don't understand their own parents.  Bosses don't know what is troubling their employees, and employees are alienated from their companies and cease to care about their jobs unless their motivation comes from fear of losing their positions or not getting promoted and earning more money.  In my experience, fear of losing jobs is the main motivator of hard work.

What I find extremely interesting is that honesty is markedly improved when it comes to strangers.  Lose a wallet in Korea and it is likely you will get it back with all it's contents still there.  Petty crime, generally, also appears much less prevalent here than back home.  While honesty is good with strangers, courtesy is not and I think both have to do with the respect culture.  They don't have to deceive a stranger because they don't have to worry about offending them, just as they don't have to show courtesy to them for the same reason.  This leads me to think that the vast majority of Korean people want to be good, moral, not lie and do the right thing (of course) and respect culture often gets in the way with the people that matter to them the most.

All this respect nonsense even gets in the way of making friends.  The vast majority of people in Korea would not dream of being friends with anyone significantly older or younger than them, what a shame this is.  Having friends that are older than you is something that does breed genuine respect.  They can inform you in ways merely an older acquaintance can't because they know you and you know them.  They respect you for who you are and you naturally respect them, the relationship is not forced and it is also not one-way in nature.  In fact, older people can learn almost as much from the young.  The older you become the more prone you are to becoming close-minded and stuck in a rut, afraid or less enthused about trying new things.  Being around young people and respecting them can be a tonic to break these sometimes bad habits.

I am certainly not saying that my own culture in Britain is perfect, a healthy dose of respect in young people, for example, would certainly be beneficial.  Young people in Korea are often fantastic because of their respect culture but I do also think it can greatly affect their development into adults that are free to explore their own ideas and aspirations.  Equality comes into its own as a principle just as people come to adult age and I believe it should be encouraged in high school aged students.

I have often been accused of reasoning from the perspective of my own culture in this regard; valuing principles of freedom and equality over respect for authority.  Now it should be clear that valuing freedom and equality does not mean having a total disrespect for authority, I am not advocating having no respect whatsoever and favouring anarchy.  But shoot me for saying this, I genuinely objectively believe that prioritising freedom and equality over respect is a good thing.  Having a society where people are treated fairly and equally, who are valued for how they behave rather than their status or age, and a society where people have freedom of speech and expression trumps a society that fears to offend those in authority every single time.  Throw in a healthy dose of respect on the side and this might be the perfect balance.  In a country that values respect over anything else, the scales can become unbalanced and possibly a worse place to live as a result.

The principle of respect is not a bad one, we all need it to have ordered societies but I think it does become a problem when it is a core value that is prioritised over everything else.  It is my belief that - in countries that do prioritise respect - you can find an ordered society, free of things like petty crime but a society that is repressed and unhappy.  The extreme example is, of course, North Korea, a country that I am sure is relatively free of petty crime and in fact any crimes by the populace.  The government, on the other hand, is another matter entirely.  You then get a gradual lessening of respect of authority in Far East Asia, China being next, South Korea, Taiwan, and then Japan.  It is interesting to note that the countries at the end of this list become increasingly more appealing to live in, with Japan being top. 

However, none of these countries come close to being the best places to live in the world, despite how rich they are.  Those league tables we always see listing the most desirable places to live are still dominated by Western countries and I think the freedom and equality Westerners have in relationships is a large factor in this.  Even as a foreigner in Korea, all my relationships with Koreans are obstructed by respect.  The only Koreans that I am comfortable with, and are comfortable with me, are those that reject and despise the respect aspect of their culture as much as me and this is because without it, open and honest relationships are possible, and most importantly, desirable.

What Should Make Us Feel Proud About Our Country?

I guess the short answer to this question is nothing because, for example, me being English does not mean that I can take credit for my country's past achievements or indeed have responsibility for any of its atrocities.

It seems to me that slogans - sometimes even worn on T-shirts - such as 'Proud to be British' (or you can insert whatever country you like) are a trifle confusing.  What exactly are you proud about?  That your country is powerful, rich, a nice place to live, or has a beautiful landscape?  OK, so what part did you play in all this?  Personally, I did not have a hand in making Britain a past world power with a great cultural influence on the world, I did not play a part in developing its culture to a point where it became reasonably civilised, and I certainly did not make any difference whatsoever in sculpting its often idyllic countryside.  Maybe there are people alive today that can take some credit for these things, but in truth their can't be that many.

You may be wondering how this has any relevance to South Korea, but I will come to that.  Right now, let's just ignore what I just said about pride in one's country, to some extent, and have a think about what could make us proud to say we are British/American/Canadian/Irish/Korean/Chinese/etc.

Perhaps, instead of thinking about what would make us proud we should eliminate the things that we should not be proud about:

Power
Currently it is the Americans that are the great power of the world, increasingly being caught up by the Chinese.  This is achieved through a strong economy and military might.  A strong economy could be something to be proud of but if it is a strong economy built on exploitation of people, this might not count.  This is what I worry about with regard to the Chinese.  Military might is something the British did very well before the rise of the US, but is this really a good thing?

Fame
If it is fame for great kindness then OK, but if it simply notoriety for it's own sake, I am not convinced.

Status
Fame and power might buy you a higher status as a country.

Maybe you can see where I am going with this, but it seems to me that the main concern of South Koreans and indeed of the Chinese is to elevate their country in these three categories to gain the feeling of high status in the world.  It is no surprise that this is the case given the importance of status to people generally in these countries.

I have already mentioned the Chinese rush to become a powerful nation and their exploitation of their workforce and Korea has this to a lesser extent but Korea seems to accept the fact that it is simply too small to be the strongest of world powers, so it is going for notoriety.  Korea is so keen on promoting itself it becomes a little tiresome for the rest of us and I know from previous experience of talking with people who previously lived in Korea that they often got a little sick of the relentless self-promotion as well.

Korea has the best culture, history, food, landscape, music, and electronics, they are also the kindest and smartest with the purest bloodlines, don't you know.  I am taking a bit of a sarcastic swipe at an attitude present in quite a few of the Korean people I have met here, as I have heard this kind of thing mind-blowingly often, I nod, agree and then roll my eyes once they have left.

The truth, however, is neither a story of great Korea nor a complete downer on everything Korean.  In many ways I really like parts of their culture, food, landscape, etc.  I also think many Koreans I have met are kind and smart.  I couldn't give a monkeys about their bloodline.

This is what I see when I look at the majority of countries, including my own.  There are some things I like, some things I dislike.  Many countries promote what they can about themselves, most often to encourage visitors, but pride plays a large part in this.  But in the the Western world, people increasingly look at their own country and others and are proud of or admire the quality of life, the morality, or the reasonableness of it's people and the realisation that the job is still not complete in all of these departments.

Who cares how powerful a nation is or how famous it is, if the people within it are unhappy, unhealthy, or mistreated.  To me, this is what China and Korea are confusing very gravely when it comes to their greater prominence on the world stage.  In two cultures where respect and status is seen as so important, they are now expecting the once most powerful countries of the West to respect them for their power, for their wealth, or for their popularity and make no mistake they do crave our respect.

Much like an old man in these countries expects to be respected, bowed at, talked to politely, and not questioned, this is how the Chinese and Koreans want us to be with them.  Yet while they are undoubtedly making admirable progress in their societies they are mostly ignoring the things guaranteed to achieve true respect and maybe even envy from the rest of us, to build societies where people are, happy, treated fairly and with respect, have a working system of justice, equality, freedom of speech and freedom generally, fair-play and morality in business, and exhibit kindness and charity to everyone, including animals and the environment.

If there is a reason or justification for some Westerners smugly walking around with an air of arrogance about where they are from it is the fact that, for all the creases that still need to ironed out in their societies, their countries are much closer in achieving these ideals.  Let's briefly examine South Korea and China on all these factors:

Happiness - Korea has the highest suicide rate in the world and Japan is not far behind.  China, despite being the second-largest economy in the world, does not even come close to being one of the best places to live in the world.

People are treated fairly with respect - in Korea people work some of the longest hours, many work overtime without pay, have few holidays, are bullied at work, and are required to placate seniors and work harder than them.  The Chinese are world renown for exploitation of their workforce by giving them extreme hours and high standards of speed and accuracy with low pay. Indeed Western companies exploit this too, but do we respect them for it?  I guess we still do buy their products.

A Working System of Justice - before it sounds like a complete butt kissing on my part for my own culture, I should say that the libel laws in my own country are a joke so don't think that all is rosy in the West also, and the fact is that worldwide you can buy your way out of trouble in many cases.  The justice system in China, however, is almost continuously questioned for a lack of transparency and a high amount of corruption.  Korea has, to a lesser degree, some of the same issues and added to this is a string of laws that are not enforced by the police and not followed by the people.

Equality - you might say that I am imposing Western values on Far Eastern culture here and with freedom as well, but societies that are not built on these principles have oppressed people, oppressed minorities, and in the case of age discrimination in China and Korea, lack some efficiency also.

Freedom of Speech - is vital, and just think about what happens in countries where it is curtailed; human rights abuses tend to be frequent and are able to be covered-up and progress in all areas is stunted.  This is one of the most common criticisms of China and South Korea is still not especially comfortable with the idea.  Do I need to mention the North?

Morality in business - we all know that Western governments are not innocent in this regard, think of arms dealings in particular, and corporate control of government policies.  But when it comes to demanding high standards of the treatment of workers, both in our own countries and in others when we have dealings with them, Western countries are more likely to be seeking a fair deal for all (note, more likely) than in Korea and especially China, where laws and practices on treatment of workers, animals and the environment are not so rigorous or enforced when they are broken.

Kindness and Charity - surely something that could be improved upon in all countries, but human rights abuses in China and the poor treatment of animals in both China and Korea leave me suspicious as to the development of these countries morally.  There have been various anecdotal examples on the news of heartlessness in various situations caught on video in China, but maybe you could say that Western news media latches onto these with too much vigour.  It is difficult to find statistics on animal cruelty but trade in body parts from endangered species is almost entirely dominated by China, think sharks-fin soup, ivory from elephants and Chinese medicine derived from tiger and rhino parts.

The Environment - when it comes to the environment Western countries must surely shoulder a large portion of the blame, other countries are now polluting the same as us and we criticise them for it, a tad hypocritical I know.  That said though, do I think that in the present day most of the major Western countries are more concerned with how their practices will affect the environment?  Yes, I think they are.  Look to the high levels of pollution in China, and the slightly dated attitude towards pollution and littering in Korea.

Now I'd like to run a thought experiment; think of a news report about your country on each of these categories, where it had been shown that a company, the government or the people had been deficient in one or a few of these factors.  For example, Germany is 18th in the world in the list of best places to live, the US has one of the biggest gaps between rich and poor, the Australians give less money to charity than other Western nations, a UK firm creates one of the greatest environmental disasters in an oil spill at one of its refineries, in Canada someone goes to jail for criticising one of the governments policies, South Africa has a high rates of crime (note, some of these are based on truth others are just hypothetical for the sake of argument).

As a resident of these countries, would the fact that you are rich, powerful, are a great tourist destination, or are famous for music or film culture make you any less ashamed of any of the above? Could you be proud of your country if it were shown to be guilty of human rights abuses, were bottom of the league tables for happiness, had one of the highest crime rates, oppressed innocent minorities, or caused greater environmental damage than other countries?  As an Englishman of at least average moral standing I would expect change or some heads to roll for any of the above and this is the general attitude I see in most developed countries, but particularly in the West.  There are, of course corrupt people in government, greedy people, and unscrupulous companies but the trend is that we want to see improvement in all the areas I have mentioned above.  If someone or a group is seen as going backwards in any of these they are roundly pounced upon in our cultures, at least by the populace (many big companies still get away with it all, like banks for example).  It is these issues that concern us and rightly so.  When my students say they are proud of Samsung, for instance, it is not encouraging considering its record of ethical issues.

In the case of China, it may soon become the most powerful economy in the world but it will not have the respect of other countries because in seeking that power all the things that really matter have been forgotten. How can we respect a country where it is unsafe to breathe the air in the capital city, where people work all hours under high pressure for low pay, where people are jailed and never seen again for uttering unwelcome thoughts or where the quality of living for all but the richest minority is desperately poor.  How can we respect them being so successful at the Olympics when stories of the mistreatment of young athletes tarnish all the gold medals.

In Korea's case, who cares how many youtube hits Gangnam Style gets, if people are knocking themselves off in record numbers, are constantly being treated unfairly at work, or if people spend most of their young lives with their head in a book and not have the freedom to express themselves. Any sensible person knows the priorities of their culture at large is wrong just like any sensible person knows the priorities of the showbiz and materially obsessed Westerners are wrong.

There are always individuals that buck the trend in all countries, you never can tell about a person until you know them, but the pattern as a whole is that one of the major cultural priorities in the East is respect and status, and this plays out in their attitude to some key elements of life.  Collective status seems to be a major preoccupation in China and Korea that trumps many other more pressing concerns.  I hope to see a change, but for now the increased wealth and power of the Far East is not something that fills me with optimism for how the little guy is going to be treated in these countries in the near future.

Korea's 4 Seasons

In case you haven't heard about it; Korea has 4 distinct seasons, it's wonderful.  Perhaps you can detect more than a hint of sarcasm?  Well, this will be understood by my fellow NET readers, but for the rest of you the reason for this is because we here about it a lot from Korean people.  They are really quite proud of the fact, which is not something to be ridiculed as such, in fact I think it is quite nice that they are in touch with the nature of their own country and pride is not necessarily a bad thing all the time.  It is, however, a way of looking at your country's climate that I never thought of. So, although I am not knocking it I don't really understand why they are so proud of their 4 seasons. My country has the same seasons and at the same time of year and I have never met anyone who has pride in it, perhaps we should.

So as we are coming out of Winter and heading into spring, here is my breakdown of the seasons in Korea, starting with Summer.

Summer

Summer is the season in Korea that I dislike the most, contrary to England where it is undoubtedly the best.  In England we get the odd really hot day but generally it is warm rather than hot and affords me the opportunity to get outside enjoying the countryside and playing cricket.  In Korea Summer is stiflingly hot and for the period of about a month or so it becomes almost unbearable to spend any time outside, I just sit at home under the air conditioning wearing only my underwear.  I try to fight the heat by rising early in the morning and running at 6.30am but to no avail, the heat saps all the strength right out of me.  Sleeping also becomes difficult and I have to ignore warnings from many Korean people about fan death (the funny little superstition that if you sleep with the fan on it could lead to your untimely end) and have the fan and the air conditioning on overnight sometimes .

In the middle of summer (mid to late July) there is also the monsoon season, it's hot, humid, and rainy and no clothes can dry on the clothes hangers in our apartments.  If the rain doesn't make you wet, your own sweat will.  I remember leaving a pile of clothes in the washing machine one time for a couple of days over a weekend and because they were so sweaty, when I returned they smelled pretty funky and most stayed that way and I had to chuck them.

I think it is fair to say that even after just a couple of months of summer I am longing for Autumn and Winter.

What to do in Summer
- Stay inside, and if you go outside make sure you make regular stops for air conditioning.  Or, if you must go outside.....
- Go to a valley and enjoy the mountain streams.
- Go to the beach, but you can't in the monsoon season very easily and it can be almost too hot if you find a weather window.
- Go hiking.  While it is initially difficult, you can get some relief from the heat near the tops of the higher mountains, although beware of heat exhaustion.

What not to do in Summer
- Eat sushi and seafood generally.  I have been warned by a few different Korean people that eating sushi in summer can cause the odd stomach upset.
- Wear grey T-shirts.  Even walking for 2 minutes to catch a bus causes unwelcome sweat patches.
- Exercise outside (apart from hiking and swimming).  Going for a run in summer almost feels dangerous, if you do make plenty of water stops.

Autumn

Probably my favourite month as the temperatures are pleasant and the country is probably at its most beautiful with all the different colours of foliage.  The cooler but still fairly mild temperatures make it a good time to be outside and do some exploring.  With plenty of mountains and hiking trails all close to towns and cities, Korea is one of the easiest places in the world for day hikes that can be reached and completed, and which enable you to return home.

The beginning of Autumn also brings the celebration of Chuseok, Korea's Thanksgiving day that has much to do with remembering their close relatives who have passed away.  This can be a bit of a nuisance for the foreign population in Korea, however, because of the extreme amounts of traffic on the roads down to people migrating out of the major cities to go back to their home towns for the holiday.  On the plus side it is a culturally rich time of year, and I myself am right in the thick of it with my Korean family which is sometimes a good thing and that I am honoured to be a part of but also it can be a real test of patience as long hours of family time (with lots of people) is not what I am used to back in England.

What to do in Autumn
- Go outside.  Hike, run a marathon, start an exercise regime, go to the park, have a picnic, even go to the beach (it is often still warm enough, especially in early Autumn).
- Get your camera out.  Trees on the mountains are everywhere and they look beautiful, you never have to go far for a great shot.
- Go on a trip.  Comfortable temperatures mean this is the time to go away for the weekend and visit historic cities, go to Seoul or Busan, or wonder around for the weekend somewhere new.

What not to do in Autumn
- Honestly, I can't think of anything.

Winter


Although freezing cold, and consistently so, I quite enjoy Korean Winter.  I find that it is the time of the year that their food really tastes even better than normal.  I am a real fan of Korean street food, which is absolutely perfect for warming yourself up with; tteokpoggi, odeng, sundae, pajeon, ho duk, and pungopbang all do the trick very nicely.  Korea's normally spicy food seems perfect for the chilly Winters.

Winter back home in England is a bit of a dark and dismal affair.  It is dark by 3 o'clock sometimes and very often cloudy, so getting out and about and being outside doing activities is very difficult.  Korean Winter, on the other hand, is very cold but sunny and dry with more hours of sunlight in the day.  This affords the opportunity for hiking, skiing, and generally being a bit more active outside.  The only drawback is that in my area of the country is rarely snows and this makes for a rather drab, brown, and dead appearance to all of the nature around.  It is therefore not the prettiest month, at least not for me down south.

What to do in Winter
- Go skiing.  It is very affordable but it is very often extremely busy.  If you are already a good skier, the harder slopes are much less busy in places like Muju.
- Eat street food.
- If you are a hardy kind of person, hiking in the Winter to some of the National parks is really beautiful.  But be warned the thick snow and plunging temperatures are not for the faint-hearted or ill-prepared.
- Go on a vacation.  The Winter cold can drag on and a trip to a warm country to break things up is very welcome.

What not to do in Winter
- Go to the coast.  The freezing cold wind makes it feel even colder when you are by the sea.
- Be stuck in the house.  Sometimes people can just hibernate in the Winter, but Winter in Korea also harbours some of the clearest weather with a good deal of sunshine.  Try to find ways to wrap up warm and go outside.

Spring

Is as pleasant, temperature-wise, as Autumn and is also quite pretty with the coming of various spring flowers and the cherry blossom in particular.  The only drawback is spring coincides with the dust brought over from the Gobi desert in China.  It can sometimes become quite unpleasant and as a keen runner and hiker the dust feels like it clogs-up the lungs a little and often spoils the view at the tops of mountains.  You can get an idea of the amount of dust and sand in the air by looking at the build-up on parked cars.

Spring is a good time to visit Korea, outside of the dust storms, because of the many festivals that are running in the Spring months.  These festivals take place all over the country and usually celebrate the particular foods, animals, and general qualities of the area in question.

What to do in Spring
- Go to a festival.  Towns and cities all over Korea have lots of festivals celebrating what is special about their particular area so are good places to get your culture fix.
- Go hiking (hang on, I think I have said this for every month).  Spring is the month for the blooming of flowers of course, the Royal Azaleas on the mountains can be really pretty.
- Go to a place with Cherry Blossom trees and have a picnic.

Korean New Year With The Seoul Family

I live in the deep south of South Korea and usually spend the Korean holidays in Suncheon with my father in-law's side of the family, but the other half of my wife's family live up in Seoul.  I was heading for Thailand right after the holiday so it made sense to spend some time in Seoul with the family beforehand and take the relatively short trip to Incheon airport.

I must admit, the two major holidays in Korea are a bit of a trying time for me for the reasons I have blogged about before in my previous posts on My Korean Family, Death Anniversaries in Korea, and Is a Clash of Cultures Inevitable and Irreconcilable?  This post will involve more information and less complaining, hopefully.  Although in the spirit of this blog, I shall have a little moan.

I stayed with my grandmother in-law in her apartment and because of her age and slight frailty we did most of our celebrations there.  The first thing that hit me as I entered her apartment was the amount of people crammed in.  It is not a big apartment but it somehow managed to fit about 20 family members.  I am used to about 6 maximum in a relatively large house and garden when I spend time with family back home in England so right from the word go it was already a little daunting and, of course, I tend to be the centre of attention.

One tradition of Seollal is doing a full bow to your elders to show respect and in return they often give some money.  This being my first Seollal with the family - I have missed it for various reasons in the last two years - I was unaware that they don't just do this with kids but with younger adults too, like myself.  The welcome surprise of about £40 between my three uncles in-law was the result, maybe it wasn't going to be all bad.

However, fairly immediately the unorthodoxy of my wife and I's relationship was coming into question.  Not only am I a foreigner - a bit of a shock for the family as it is - we don't plan on staying in Korea to live, we also don't plan on having a baby for at least another 3 years, and considering we have been married for nearly three years already this is more than a little strange to them.  Babies usually follow marriage in quite a short period of time in Korean culture.  In fact, I was encouraged (in a joking but strongly suggestive manner) by a couple of my uncles to get on with it in Thailand and get the job done and settle down in Korea.  I laughed, smiled politely and then told them to mind their own god dam business (the last part was inside my head).

I have heard that in most families in Korea there is always that one uncle that people just really can't stand and mine is my uncle on my mother in-law's side.  He is the eldest and he perceives this as giving him the entitlement to tell everybody what they should be doing with their lives.  He is a conservative-minded Korean and so everyone else should be in his eyes.  I also find him rather materialistic and arrogant.  My other two uncles in-law on this side of the family are just fine.  One seems to have a lot more going on upstairs, appears to understand me quite well and holds fast on the advice giving, and the other is kind, sincere, and generous, despite not being as wealthy as the other two.

Anyway, we ate, were given some advice, ate a bit more, were given some more advice, ate again....well you get the picture.  I ate, smiled politely, nodded in agreement, and again told them to mind their own business (of course, in my head again).

Everyone left and I was pretty shattered as I also had to be up early to take the bus to Seoul in the first place, which took about 4 hours.  My wife and my mother in-law were busy though, tidying up for grandmother, who obviously could not be expected to do it all.  They also cleaned the whole apartment from top to bottom as it needed a thorough clean.  They were both angry at how none of the family that lived in Seoul helped my grandmother in-law clean up, but couldn't say anything to their face, especially as the oldest uncle (the one I dislike) paid for the apartment and any criticism of himself or his wife might well end up in them caring less or being less generous.  So while they were around my mother in-law just had to suck-up her frustrations and be ultra-nice to them because they held all the cards.  I tried to help but was ordered not to and anyway my wife knows that dirt and dust tend to follow me around wherever I go anyway, even when my intention is to clean-up.

The next morning, we had to go to my grandfather in-law's grave-site to give our respects, which usually involves an offering of food and soju and some bowing.  His grave was part of an extraordinary cemetery on the outskirts of Seoul with thousands of people buried on the mountainside.  I desperately wanted to take a picture of the place, which was coated in snow, as it looked quite beautiful and was extraordinarily large but refrained for fear of being disrespectful, something that is very easy to do in that kind of situation.

Then it was time to take a trip to my eldest uncle's local temple, which he frequents on a regular basis and so is friendly with the monks.  My mother in-laws side of the family are Buddhist and I think even my wife might call herself culturally Buddhist, much like people back home in England are culturally Christian but don't believe in any of the nonsense and don't really believe in god.  They all got the cushions out in the temple and did their deep bows to their knees to Buddha as I just watched.  We all then went back to a kind of portacabin with lots of computers and a warm fire where a monk sat and made us all coffee between boxes of artistic Buddhist calendars that they were selling, which left me thinking I needed to do a little bit more study about what it meant to be a Buddhist.  I was also confounded by my rather brand name, money, and materially obsessed eldest uncle's devotion to Buddhism and his local temple.  The monk then proceeded to give me and my wife some advice, so I smiled and nodded politely and then told him to mind his own business (last part... you get the idea).

Fortunately for me, we were quite close to a place called Uijeongbu, which is famous for having a large base for American soldiers but more importantly is the home of the best Budae Jiggae in Korea, one of my favourite dishes, so we headed to a restaurant for lunch.  Budae Jiggae is a spicy soup with noodles, some processed meat like spam and little frankfurters, and a few other things thrown into the mix as well.  It is no coincidence that Uijeongbu is famous for this and American soldiers.  The dish is a fusion of traditional Korean flavoured spicy soup with the kinds of ingredients available to them during and after the Korean War, brought by American soldiers, i.e. processed meat like spam and baked beans.  Needless to say, I lapped it all up like a dog that hadn't eaten for a week, much to the delight and amazement of most of the Koreans around me - it never ceases to amaze them that a foreigner likes their food and has the ability to eat it in the first place on account of how spicy it is.

It was time to go back to grandma's place and relax before I flew to Thailand in the morning.  On the way we had a conversation about how rainy it is in England, the smog in London, and a few other stereotypical things about England, which prepared the way for a more serious and stern advice giving session from my eldest uncle when we got home, reiterating the need to settle-down and have a baby quickly, stay in Korea and help the family.  After a little more smiling, nodding, and the rest, Seollal was over and I could look forward to a relaxing vacation (which he made clear he did not approve of, but who cares) as my reward for all my patience and restraint.  Although amid all the irritations it was a fascinating couple of days of pure Korean culture, a privilege and a learning experience for this stubborn Englishman.

Is Korea Just Playing Catch-up With Morals and Manners?

The title of this post may sound a little insulting as no one likes to be called out as being behind the times with anything whether it be fashion, technology, efficiency, and especially morality and manners.  This subject just keeps on coming up, though, and some comparisons of current Korean culture with how my own country was about 50 years ago cannot go unnoticed.

Issues such as animal rights, divorce, single-parent families, women's equality, racism, workers rights, and corporal punishment all seem to be at a similar stage in evolution and discourse to what they were in the West when my father was a teenager.

Another reason for this subject coming to mind is my continuing marathon of reading Steven Pinker's epic book 'The Better Angels of Our Nature', which tracks a lot of the changes Western society has gone through to become more peaceful, moral, and civilized over time (shocking, I know, but the evidence does seem to show we live in the most peaceful time in history).  He gives so many examples of practices we no longer think about doing that still occur in Korea.  Because of many of our ways of reducing violence in society we also have the side-effect from it of political correctness, again something I do not experience so starkly in Korea.

Pinker goes into so much detail in his book on the reasons violence has declined (it is over 1000 pages long!), so I can't do it justice in a blog post, but it is mostly down to a gradual 'Civilizing Process' that has occurred over time, of which a number of things have contributed to; wealth, democracy, distribution of literature and ideas, secular humanism, and trade being some of the major factors.

It is noticeable that most of these major influences on the civilizing process have had a great deal more time in existence in the West and - much to the annoyance of many Koreans - in Japan.

Comparing Japan and Korea is an interesting exercise because of their similarities in culture compared to the massive difference to the West.  Japan's civilizing process has clearly had a longer time to develop due to their history as a strong power in the region and a stable society and it shows in their behaviour and manners and in their crime statistics.

Comparing crime statistics between countries is fraught with difficulty, however, as there are many variables involved, not least the efficiency and the ways in which individual countries report crime, but there are also a range of other complicated factors.  Korea has a pretty low crime rate to its credit but there does feel like the country has some issues with civility, manners, and morals in certain areas.  (Note: The comparison in crime statistics over time, however, can be reliable as crime rates within the same countries and cultures can be analysed with much greater confidence and accuracy)

It also sometimes feels as if the Korean government and Korean intellectuals know all too well that the Korean populace is still catching up on many moral issues and this is the reason for some of the laws Korea has that are not followed and the concealing of certain aspects of their everyday culture to foreign eyes.

As I have mentioned in previous posts, abortion and the trade in dog meat are against the law but are still practiced without much effort to cover it up.  No action is ever taken by the government to prosecute wrong-doers, so people continue (I should add here that I do not think those having abortions are doing wrong, merely that it is against the law in Korea in most cases).

Despite this, one gets the feeling that in the Korean government they are concerned with how some of their cultural practices are viewed overseas.  I think this started with the law banning abortions in 1953, which must have a great deal to do with American presence and influence at the time as the culture does not seem to be at all against abortion generally.  This law is dated and needs to change.  It has continued with the laws making dog meat illegal.  There is only one reason that this law exists in my opinion, and that is to show people from other countries that they do not condone the practice.  And practically, because the dog meat law is not properly enforced, it is undoubtedly making the welfare of dogs suffer as a result.

Controversial issues regarding dog meat have never been far away when Korea has hosted important events.  During the 1988 Seoul Olympics the government actually encouraged the public not to consume dog meat for fear of bad publicity.  The problem also reared its ugly head again in the 2002 world cup.

Traffic laws are also regularly flouted without any fear of punishment, apart from the speed cameras on highways.  Drink driving appears to be a major problem in Korea - the number of occasions I have seen or heard about people doing it is extremely worrying - and talking to people on the phone while driving can problem be witnessed by anyone to steps outside at this very moment and looks at a even a few people driving on the roads.  (By the way, apparently you can make a buck or two in Korea if you take a picture of someone in the act of driving while talking on the phone or smoking.  Take a picture of someone doing this along with their car registration number, send it to the police and you can claim a cash reward)

An orderly driving environment is a good and easy place to start in figuring out just how civilized somewhere really is.  Go to the mad house driving environments of India, Indonesia, and some other less developed nations and it is easy to see.  Despite having a strong economy, one can see the lack of civility in much of the population of India.  Korea is an example of a country with the most amazing infrastructure but because of Korea's relatively short time as a stable, wealthy society, their driving betrays the true nature of a country still catching up on manners and morals.

Korean people cannot be blamed for this.  Western culture has developed it manners and morals through a constant developing process over centuries of stable countries and a steady flow of new ideas.  We have made the mistakes and learnt from them, are still learning from them and many of our issues with political correctness have to do with an over-reaction to things that have happened in the past.

From Pinker's massive book it is clear that he attributes the freedom of expression of new ideas and the publication of books, both non-fiction and fiction, as being one of the central reasons for the decline of violence and the civilizing process.  He describes that stories enable people to put themselves in the position of the characters (indeed this is what you do when you read a book or watch a movie) and empathize with them, increasing the amount of empathy you have with real individuals in similar situations.  Enlightenment philosophers penned their ideas on morality and their ideas seeped through the social classes and changed the attitudes of the entire Western world in a relatively short period of time.

Countries and cultures that restrict the free flow of ideas have also restricted their progress in these regards.  The Islamic world is an example of this.  The fact of the matter is that Spain translates more books into Spanish each year than the whole Islamic world has into Arabic since the ninth century.  Korea also used to have a very isolationist philosophy (and was called the 'Hermit Kingdom' because of it), although these days, with the amount of books that students read, they must be making up for lost time.

This blog sounds like a bit of a downer on Korea, but I would like to switch perspectives.  In many ways it is extraordinary to think that Korea is as civilized as it is, how many countries with such a short time in the sun can boast of such low crime rates and a decent society with low rates of poverty.  It is only because of the impressive nature of Korea's infrastructure, its modernity, its economy, its efficiency, and its general sophistication that we become upset about some of their manners, odd opinions, and those regular face to palm moments.

Get mugged in Central America, asked for a bribe by police in Indonesia (so they don't arrest you), see unhygienic food preparation in India, or experience general bad manners and staring in a third world country and it is to be expected.  We are annoyed, shocked, sick, or upset by it, but we don't tend to have a go at the culture at large or hold them too accountable for it, we understand it and excuse it to some extent.  This is not what happens in Korea, where Westerners really have a moan about the culture and the manners (myself included).

Korea's outward persona of a super-modern, rich, and technologically sophisticated society makes us think that they are as developed in all areas as those in the West.  This is not the case and it would be impossible to be so considering their history.  Korea does have a marvelous opportunity, however, and that is to grow in their moral understanding, learn from our mistakes through literature and the media, and build a sounder moral basis for their society that is free from the political correctness that is plaguing Western discourse at this moment in time.  Judging by the amount of books my students are reading, if Pinker is correct in his theories, this may only be a matter of a short period of time.

Sources:
'The Better Angels of Our Nature' by Steven Pinker (Paperback)
http://www.samharris.org/site/full_text/the-reality-of-islam
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dog_meat_consumption_in_South_Korea

Are Korean Students Respectful To Their Foreign Teachers?

I have often been surprised by the amount of reports I hear from fellow English teachers who think that Korean students are disrespectful, difficult to teach, and are generally not very nice.  I say surprised because this is not the experience I have had with Korean students at all, but maybe my perspective and expectations of Koreans students is a little different.

Before I left for Korea, I had the impression that some of my friends thought that I was doing a really noble thing teaching English in South Korea, it was almost like I was doing Koreans a favour just by going there to work.  Nothing could really be further from the truth; I didn't have many job prospects in England and although the adventure of a new culture excited me, the major motivation was the money.

Some other friends assumed teaching in Asia generally must be an easy job, with their respect culture and hard-work attitude.  They thought all I needed to do was speak and they would listen.  Combine this with  TV programs showing volunteers teaching in countries like Thailand, Cambodia, and India and word of mouth experiences from such endeavours, where students are attentive, smiley  respectful, and sweet and one can get the impression that this teaching malarkey in Asia is easy and rewarding. Perhaps this is what many assume when they first come to Korea.

I came from a slightly different direction, however.  I had taught science in England as a trainee teacher for one year.  I hated it, and although the students were a challenge, it was not for this reason; the job took up my whole life, mostly with bureaucratic nonsense but also I never agreed with how my country went about teaching young people, however this is another story.

I also had quite a lot of experience working in a school environment as a learning assistant and science technician.  I had first hand experience about just how tricky young people in school can be.  I was already well practiced in handling disrespectful, noisy, and naughty young kids.  English students gave me plenty of  chances to refine my skills in dealing with them.

I came to Korea with an open mind, I had no real idea what to expect but I did have some expectations that Korean students would be better behaved.  After about three years teaching in Korea, I still think they are better behaved, more respectful, and generally much more friendly and pleasant to teach than students back home.

However, it has not slipped by me that many people who comment on the behaviour of Korean students are themselves also teachers back home in their own countries.  I am pretty sure that when they say their students back home are more respectful they are not lying, so what is going on?  Is it only English students who are difficult?

Perhaps the problem is that they are not comparing like with like.  There really is no comparison with our positions as teachers in Korea and teaching back home in our respective countries.  Native teachers in Korea can be placed in an awkward and difficult position to gain respect from their students.  Even young students aren't stupid, most of them know the following:

- The NET cannot usually speak Korean
- There is no importance (test wise) on the NET's class
- The NET may well not be a qualified teacher
- The NET may not have the full support of their school, i.e. many schools in Korea have far greater trust in their pupils than the foreign teacher (and it shows sometimes).
- The NET is regularly confused with what is happening within the school
- The NET may be gone in a year
- The NET has a helper, or maybe even a boss, in class (i.e. their co-teacher)

These are all factors that are not comparable to back home; we speak the same language, our classes have importance, we are qualified, we have the support of the school, we usually know what is happening on a day to day basis, most teachers stay in their jobs for longer periods of time, and we are in control of our classes (the students answer to us).

If we turned the situation on its head and had Korean teachers in Western schools, speaking little or no English and stumbling around in many situations without the full support of the school, it would be carnage for them, at least from my perspective as a teacher in England.

The fact is that this will never happen, and if there were Korean native teachers in our schools they would receive a hell of a lot more support and assistance than we do.  Much of the respect issues many of us have are more to do with the school's attitude to foreign teachers than the actual student's attitudes, which in my mind are pretty darn good considering the circumstances.

Further evidence of this, for me personally, came from my first two jobs in Korea, both Hagwon (private school) jobs.  The first was great, a well organised school who put trust and responsibility on their foreign teacher and who also had a sensible and well thought out behaviour management strategy.  As a result of this the students were a pleasure to teach and I rarely had cause to discipline them.

My second job, however, was a completely different story; a poorly run Hagwon with a horror boss who was overly obsessed with his own importance and power and who went through Korean and foreign teachers alike, like the daily pots of Ramen he slurped noisily away at everyday.  The students knew the boss had no respect for his employees and there was no strategy for coping with unruly children.  My classes, because of this, were a complete nightmare.  My students oozed contempt for me out of every orifice and I had to work extremely hard to make my classes tolerable while receiving absolutely no assistance whatsoever from my boss.  My experiences with these Hagwons very much confirm what I suspect, that it is the system and the schools that are the problem, not the students, they can be won round eventually, however bad the school might be.

There is another factor and that is the everyday life of a student in Korea.  Koreans students are saturated with education, pressure from parents, and exams.  Many of my high school students are at school for 14 hours a day and, unbelievably, some even have to go to a Hagwon (private school) after this as well.  Middle school and Elementary students have less time at school but, again, many go to Hagwons after school.  When it comes to our classes, is it any wonder they see it as an opportunity to have a little sleep or a break from the monotony of their other lessons and mess around and have fun in them.  I have a great deal of sympathy with them as I am pretty sure that, back when I was a kid, I would have taken exactly the same chance for a rest.

The combination of student hardship and the lack of regard the schools (and the education system as a whole) have for NETs makes it completely understandable why some find their students are not giving them the expected level of respect.  All the actions of the schools and the Korean education system is saying NET's classes are not that important and the over-worked students read this message loud and clear.  We earn our monthly wage by overcoming this attitude and earning their respect.

Fortunately, we are interesting, especially compared to most of their Korean teachers.  We are interesting by nature because we are different and many of us work quite hard to make our lessons interesting as well.  Add a consistent behaviour management strategy, some patience, and understanding and we can win them round.  Like most young people everywhere, get beneath the exterior of posturing, bravado, and showing-off to friends and you have great youngsters in Korea, who are naturally compliant and respectful and one of my great highlights of living in Korea.



Why Are So Many Koreans Committing Suicide?

In my last post, I suggested that part of the the reason for the high rate of suicides in Korea is because of respect culture.  I mentioned this because I have seen the amount of stress that this causes in Korean people and in me when I have dealings with many Koreans, including my wife's family.  

There are, however, many factors that contribute to Korea's suicide problem that are not talked about very much.  They are often problems shared by other countries but Korea has a toxic mix of ingredients, at quite a high potency, like no other country.

So here are the reasons, I believe, Koreans are killing themselves in greater numbers than any other country in the world, barring Lithuania, and in OECD members are comfortably atop the league table by a worryingly clear margin.

1. Respect Culture

I wrote about this in last weeks post but it is worth reiterating the situation here.  

I think it is fair to say that unless you spend everyday with your mates, you are going to need to have interactions with others of different ages and positions.  Of course, we all tend to respect authority and age world-wide, but when we really have issues or grievances that we need to air, we do it.  Think of a time when you had a problem with a superior at work or an older person, it is stressful.

But because of the senior expectation for respect, and the entitlement it is perceived as giving them, these troubles are not only more stressful when you get into them in Korea, but are by orders of magnitude more frequent in occurrence.  People of higher status use the culture's respect practices to belittle, bully, and promote themselves and the saddest thing is that this doesn't only happen when people are at work but it also hits them when they come home to their family as well.

Where is a person's freedom when they have to constantly bend to the will of someone else? Obedience is commanded at work and at home, saying 'no' to a senior person's requests is simply not acceptable.  I have personally done this a few times both at my job and with my in-laws and the friction and strife it causes is incredible.  I usually have three options; I either lie, play the foreigner-card, or give in to their demands, honesty is not an option.  Korean people only have two options; give in to demands or lie, and I am frequently shocked about just how much of family life in Korea - as I have experienced it - revolves around lying and denial.  

This stuff bugs the hell out of me, yet I have the foreigner-card up my sleeve and play it regularly, heaven knows how Korean people cope.  I do sometimes wonder in a certain amount of awe how patient and compliant they can be without simply flipping-out and going crazy. (Hang on, what's this post about again?)

2. Pressure

As a high school teacher in Korea, I know all about the pressure heaped on my poor students.  It is not only the country's obsession with education and the role a high-paid job plays in measures of success and status, but the family again has a massive role to play.

When I asked my students the other week, 'What are you scared of?' - in a lesson on fears - by far the most common answer was, 'My mother!'  Fair enough, many of these replies were tongue-in-cheek, but many a true word is said in jest.  At any age, I cannot ever imagine replying to a question about what I was scared of with the answer, 'My mother', but maybe I just have a nice mum.

I am afraid, though, that this is a small sign of the level of expectancy parents place upon their children, which is felt right up until their death.  Their children must not only provide for them economically when they are older but also make them proud and give them something to boast about to their friends (no joke this is what happens in my experience).  I have often wondered - rather distastefully, I admit - whether some Korean people are relieved when their parents pass-away, I think I would be in the same situation.

This attitude has fueled the over-bearing education system, competition for jobs, and the already high pressure created culturally to submit to the employer's will, being the elder and superior.  Employer's understand just how important jobs are to people for these reasons (over and above the need for money, like everywhere else) and they take advantage of it.  There is a real need to protect employees rights in this country because of this, as currently many employers do as they please, demanding a level of subjugation from their employees that is totally uncalled for.

3. Working Hours

I used to think this was a major factor in suicides but I am now not so sure, although it certainly can't help.

Korean people work some of the longest hours in the world.  However, I don't think it is so much the stress of time spent at work as the stress of relationships within the working environment that is the real issue.  The fact is that the longer you spend at work, the longer you have to spend in the company of people you have to respect, take abuse from, and be generally be submissive to, like I mentioned earlier.  

Working hours and lack of holiday do, however, contribute to feelings of discontents because of the lack of time to relax and spend with loved ones.  When you spend your whole life grinding away at work and rarely experiencing anything else and not seeing those you love, it is easy to see how this could push people over the edge also.

4. Concerns About Status

In my post 'Brand Namesand Status Games' I went over just how important it is for people that they are seen as better than somebody else.  It motivates many of us all over the world and it is something that, when we feel it, we often castigate ourselves for because we know that jealousy is not the path to happiness.  It really does amaze me how huge a part status plays in Korean culture, though, and plays a massive role in personal debt because of the need to show their wealth and prosperity to others, even if they don't have it.  I have been present while my in-laws socialise with friends they have known since high school and there always seems to be a constant battle for one upmanship, it dominates most conversations.

If you are constantly feeling like others are more successful or happier than you, this is another guaranteed path to unhappiness and if you throw in a big credit card bill caused by funding trinkets for your insecurity, things don't get any better.

5. Traditions

Many religions have a taboo on suicides and as religion has often played a key role in shaping present culture, this might also have an effect on just how powerful the urge is to contemplate suicide.  Korea has many Christians and Buddhists but traditionally it is Confucian and this is what drives much of what you see around you everyday in Korea regarding cultural practices.  The concept of 'Han' is another part of the equation; a deep feeling of anger, resentment when facing difficult situations that is buried deep in the Korean cultural psyche.

"When a situation is bad and they can't show their cool selves, Koreans tend to get frustrated, give up and take drastic choices," Hwang Sang-min, a professor of psychology at Yonsei University.

I am by no means an expert on this, but maybe this does play a role in making suicide, culturally, an easier and more appealing option.  

6. Rapid Change and the Erosion of Traditional Values

This is a commonly stated reason for the high suicide rate in Korea, especially among Korean intellectuals, but also seems to make a fair bit of sense.

Far from the gradual loss of traditional values in the face of modernity, I strongly believe that it is the refusal to adapt to the changes in culture and to stubbornly persist with traditional ways that is causing all the problems.  Troublesome traditions are often kept in the name of 'Korean culture', respect culture being the most obvious. 

Older people commit suicide for different reasons to the young; they have expectations of their family to adhere to tradition values and when they don't, it is all too much, especially when they don't see them very often or provide for them when they are older.  Older people rely heavily on their children to make them happy, they really are everything to them.  This is sweet but relying on such a narrow focus for your happiness is trouble in the making if your children don't follow your wishes or, heaven forbid, perish before you do.  

For young people, the modern pressures of longer working hours, big business deals, buying nice things, and imported Western ideals mean it is harder for them to adhere to the traditional values their parents expect.

Many of the problems can be summed up between the clash of modern Capitalism with ancient Confucianism, especially when it comes to business and people's status obsession with buying shiny new things to impress others.

 

7. Koreans Like To Drown Their Sorrows

Koreans drink a lot, amazingly even more than the British (and that is going some).  People all over the world like to drown their sorrows in a bar after work but Koreans, with all of these issues, take it to a new level.  Alcohol, although appearing to make things better, never actually works and is often a sure-fire way to worsen a situation or help those with the option of suicide in the back of their minds take the next step to contemplate and carry out the unthinkable.  This is something I have noticed with the Koreans close to me, they tend to drink a lot when they are stressed and depressed.  Not a good option.

8. Freedom

I have had conversations with many people both Koreans and non-Koreans who say that being free to do what you choose and express yourself is not that important to Korean people.  They tolerate the situations that frustrate Westerners because they just do not feel the same way as us when their elders, bosses, and family members strip away their personal liberty.  I have no study to point to, but in my experience this is total utter hogwash.  

Westerners have principles to back up their feelings of inner turmoil when someone tries to take away their freedom but I am confident that, inside, Korean people's blood boils just the same, they have merely learnt to suppress it - although not altogether convincingly sometimes.  I see the pain on their faces when they are forced to do something they would rather not, that is unreasonable and that a Westerner wouldn't have to do, they are actually pretty bad actors when you know what to look for, it is just that their tormentors don't really care that much if they like it or not as long as they do it.

Many of the previous factors; respect, pressure, working hours, traditional values, and status all work together to restrict personal freedoms.

Make no mistake, people all around the world feel the same pressures as I have listed above: We all have to show respect for people we don't like, we all have social pressures, we all go to work for longer than we would like, we all have concerns about how other people see us, some of us drown our sorrows with a drink or two, and most people are not as free as they would like to be.  But in Korea each of these areas is extreme and beyond anything most of us would normally experience.  It has baffled me personally how Koreans deal with this stuff every day.  The history, and rapid change pile on the likelihood of suicide becoming a viable option for people and it is these factors that are commonly stated as the major reasons.  History is surely a massive influence but the historical effect of 'Han' on the Korean mindset for suicide covers up the fact that people must also be genuinely unhappy, to begin with, to end their life.

Despite the criticisms I have of Korean culture, I really admire how the Korean people have the ability to soak this all up.  The unfortunate thing is that they lash-out by taking their lives too often. The suicide rate is not just 'one of those things' it is a crisis shouting out for a change in the way people are living their lives.  

In research for this post, I have looked at several articles on online news websites, none have given a convincing set of reasons for suicides in Korea, many say it is a mystery, especially considering the rise of the economy, or that it is a complicated and mysterious problem.  Well then, somebody best get working on it, shouldn't they?  South Korea has topped the list of OECD countries for suicide for the last 8 years, it is not a new problem, so it needs to be addressed and I see precious little being done.  They only theorise that rapid change has caused some clashes with traditional values, well obviously, details would be nice.  

Reasons 5 and 6 are the ones most favoured by Korean intellectuals, but they are also the ones which either point the finger at outside influences (6) or mask the problem by inferring it is not because people are less happy than other countries, it is just they have different ways of dealing with stress (5).  These sound like the easiest of reasons to brush off suicides in Korea as something which cannot be helped.

If you think what I have written above on this sensitive subject is harsh on Korean culture, perhaps you are right and maybe I am wrong in my observations, but the reason I write this way is because I am outraged and upset.  People are people, no matter where you live.  If Britain had a massive problem with suicides I would be asking tough questions too (indeed I do ask tough questions about my culture regarding general thuggery and drunken behaviour), but why should I only care about people from my own nation?  I do care about Koreans (my wife in particular and also my students), I am frustrated about certain aspects of their culture on their behalf as much as anything else, especially as I can manage a pass out of some of the more awkward and troublesome situations.  I hope this comes across in when I attack certain aspects about what is happening in Korea. 

Sources:

http://english.chosun.com/site/data/html_dir/2012/09/11/2012091101353.html

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-pacific-15331921

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704684604575382213752379230.html